Reviews of movies I haven’t seen

November 29, 2009

I don’t have much time or interest these days in seeing the latest box office hits.  Every year that creeps by brings a greater divide between what moviegoing audiences seem to crave and what I can tolerate.

But not seeing movies will never stop me from reviewing them.  So here are my reviews of the top 5 movies at the box office, none of which I have seen: Read the rest of this entry »


Black Friday Sales

November 24, 2009

MY GRADE:

I just don’t get it.  I don’t know if that means I’m out of touch or too rich or too poor or all of the above.  But I’ve never participated in Black Friday madness and more than likely I never will.

Here’s a good example of what puzzles me… Read the rest of this entry »


The Santa Claus Myth

November 23, 2009

MY GRADE:

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Only three stars for Santa?!

What am I — Jewish?

<cricket cricket>

Really, it’s not a religious thing.  I just have some credibility issues with the Santa story. First and foremost:

Exactly how old is Santa??? Because it seems like he’s been around forever.  At least three hundred years.  Is that possible? With his high BMI?  Read the rest of this entry »


Thanksgiving

November 20, 2009

MY GRADE:

I am thankful for…

  • Sexy, sullen teenage vampires.  Because how else would children learn about love?  And sunblock.
  • Tofurkey.  Because I’m okay with the systematic mistreatment of soy and wheat gluten. Read the rest of this entry »

The McRib

November 18, 2009

MY GRADE:

As I dialed past Sarah Palin on her 39th talk show appearance of the day (plugging her new book The Palin Vampire Diaries) I couldn’t help but develop an appreciation for those in the past who have taken the less-is-more approach to product hawking.

Of course, I’m talking about the McRib. Read the rest of this entry »


Dr. Pepper

November 15, 2009

MY GRADE: starstarstarhalfblank

Soft drink or hair tonic?

Tasty and Refreshing. With just a hint of... um... ???

(NOTE: When I speak of Dr. Pepper I am referring to Mr. Pibb too. Because to me Mr. Pibb is basically Dr. Pepper without the doctorate)

Soft drink companies have never been completely comfortable with owning up to what their products are:  a 100% artificial concoction. Read the rest of this entry »


Baby Einstein

November 13, 2009

MY GRADE: starblankblankblankblank

einstein_baby

There seems to be a split in the world of parenting…

Back when I was growing up, most parents did stuff pretty much the same things:  you fed your kid, you changed their diaper, you let them go down the street to play with the neighbor kids, you made sure they did their homework, you told then not to run into traffic.  Occasionally a kid lost a finger playing with firecrackers, but hey, with that sort of intelligence it’s safe to assume they weren’t going to become a world renown brain surgeon anyway.

Read the rest of this entry »