Salsa Bars

February 25, 2010

MY GRADE:

An interesting aspect of the “healthy fast food” phenomenon is the proliferation of salsa bars. God only knows why we’re so smitten.  If someone had told me 20 years ago that I would choose one restaurant over another because they allowed me an unlimited supply of free condiments to take home in tiny plastic cups I wouldn’t have believed them.  But I guess, when it comes down to it, free salsa is like a Happy Meal for adults. Read the rest of this entry »


New Potential Winter Olympic Sports

February 22, 2010

I thought it would be just too darned easy to write an entire blog entrry on how bafflingly unathletic and mundane Curling seems to the untrained eye.  I’ll let this small YouTube clip speak for itself (Okay, I lied.  I do need to say this — when sweeping a broom is the most strenuous part of your event, perhaps you’re not a sport.  When your “athletes” were born during the Great Depression, perhaps you’re not a sport.)

Here are some new sports I’d like to see replace Curling in 2014: Read the rest of this entry »


3-D Movies

February 18, 2010

MY GRADE:

I have a secret to share with you.  I see everything in 3-D.  That’s right — everything.  I have ever since I was a small boy.  I don’t even have to wear the glasses most of the time.  It’s just there — the world popping out at me.   And I gotta say — it’s pretty darn cool.   If I’m standing in the middle of the freeway it actually looks like the cars are COMING RIGHT AT ME.  How much does this effect cost me?  0 dollars.  That’s right.  I don’t pay a penny for it.

Now apparently the rest of the world isn’t as fortunate.  Because ya’ll seem to go head over heels nutso whenever a new movie comes out in 3-D.  Sometimes you’ll pay up to 30% extra for a movie ticket just so you can see stuff flying straight at you — like Superman or James Cameron’s giant blue Smurfs or Robert DeNiro’s mole.

So why don’t I care for 3-D movies?  Well, it’s simply this.  Any film producer can write a big-assed check and get themselves a big ol’ heaping scoop of 3-D.  Where’s the risk in that? Where’s the mystery of the creative process?

Handing a blank check to Judd Apatow or Quentin Tarentino or Wes Anderson is where filmmaking gets more gutsy and interesting to me.  Sure, you expect those talents to deliver a decent story, well-crafted filmmaking, laughs, tears, seat-of-your pants thrills, but you can’t be certain.  You could end up with Grindhouse.  Or Life Aquatic.  Or two and a half hours of Judd Apatow’s daughter’s ballet recital.

But that’s the true wonder of movies.  The great mystery of motion pictures is why you can assemble a team of artists at the top of their game and yet only some of those movies “work” and others just sooo do not work.

Going to see a 3-D movie, on the other hand, is like paying someone $15 to flick on a light switch.  It’s not wondrous.  It’s not surprising.  And it’s no longer awe-inspiring.

So instead of getting all excited about the next empty 3-D spectacle, let’s root for some gutsy producer to unearth the next Spielberg or Coppola or Scorsese.

3-D is everywhere.  But true movie magic is hard to find.

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The Winter Olympics

February 16, 2010

MY GRADE:

Some Olympic musings (part 1): Read the rest of this entry »


Valentine’s Day Crap II: The Awakening

February 10, 2010

Adult Footy Pajamas

GRADE: C+

Nothing says “My level of attraction to you has plummeted so far I might as well completely desexualize you” better than this clever gift! Read the rest of this entry »


The Worst Valentine’s Day crap I could find (part 1)

February 8, 2010

“You Complete Me” T-Shirts

GRADE: D

Also popular?   The “I’m breaking up with you because you bought us creepy matching T-shirts” T-Shirt. Read the rest of this entry »


Chinese Panda Rentals

February 4, 2010

MY GRADE:

I promised myself I wouldn’t get upset.   I’ve always known that for some stupid reason (I’m going to blame Nixon, why not?) our deal with China has always been that we lease the Pandas, we can’t own them.  Even the ones that are born and bred in the United States must go back to China when they reach a certain age.

Read the rest of this entry »