Girl Scout Cookies

MY GRADE:

Little question for you…

Why are girl scouts still selling those awful cookies?  Are they trying to collectively knock us off as a nation?  It’s certainly possible.   If you take a look at the side of any box of their cookies you may start to see some validity to my theory:

4 Thin Mints = 5 grams of saturated fat (25% your daily allotment)

2 Samoas = 6 grams of saturated fat (30% your daily allotment)

So basically these cookies are sugary poison.  But the real question is — do they taste that good?  I suggest “no.”  As a matter of fact I suggest that there is not a food (and I use that term loosely) out there that has a worse “tastes good/bad for you” ratio.   Meaning, if a food is going to be that horrible for you from a health and diet point of view it has to taste great.    You following me?

If I’m going to use up 30% of my daily saturated fat, I want a party in my mouth.  I want a nice slab of the finest French brie cheese, a sizable hunk of chocolate cheesecake, or at very least a movie-sized box of Goobers.  4 dinky girl scout thin mint cookies that taste as if they were baked in 1933?  Not gonna cut it for me.

Other insanely unhealthy foods that need to taste much much better to make it worth my while:

Ramen — who knew such a mediocre tasting nonentity was so bad for you?  One serving of ramen (which I imagine is like a dixie cup full) = 3.2 grams of saturated fat.   Wait — that’s not right!  I don’t even want to eat ramen.  It’s just there, at the store — it only cost $1.09,  so I made it, I didn’t realize the price I would pay.

Bran Muffins (420 calories.  19 grams of fat) — well, now I’m just pissed.  I thought I was suffering through another Starbucks breakfast bran muffin because it was good for me.  Because it sure as hell doesn’t taste as good as a big heapin’ stack of french toast with maple syrup and butter.  Turns out the bran muffin is filled with just as much crap — they just decided to forgo the “tasting good” part.  Screw you, bran muffin.  You lyin’ little pastry!

Tuna Salad — see above.  Tuna is the “bran muffin” of salads.  (1 cup = 383 calories) Well, scratch that.  Salads are the “bran muffins” of lunch entrees.  Why is all my “healthy” food lying to me?!

Dried Fruit — okay, now I’m getting really pissed off.  Because this stuff tastes like crap.  I hate it.  But it’s gross, it’s shriveled, it’s ugly — so I figured it must be good for you, right? Wrong.  Here’s the ugly math:

1 cup grapes has 60 calories while 1 cup raisins has 495 calories.

Oh, screw it.  I might as well eat 2 Halloween-sized bags of mini-Snickers and call it a day.  At least I’ll be clogging my arteries with a smile on my face.

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One Response to Girl Scout Cookies

  1. Emmet says:

    Actually, 1 cup of grapes only pack 60 calories because it’s mostly water. So, if you want a better “taste good/bad for you” ratio, put equal piece of raisins, add a cup of water … there, you have it … er … no, it tasted even worse … sigh.

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