Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen (Spring 2010 edition)

This particular posting, a favorite of mine, gets harder to pull off each time because as it turns out, with all the remakes these days I HAVE SEEN THESE FILMS… even if I haven’t.

Here goes:

CLASH OF THE TITANS 3-D

Grade: C-

I have very fond memories of the 1981 original.  It was one of the very first videocassettes I ever rented (anyone care to guess the first movie I chose to rent?  That’s right.  Heartbeeps.  With Andy Kauffman and Carol Kane as robots who fall in love.  Even as a 10 year old my taste was impeccable!)  And I remember being quite disappointed in the summer of ’81 when my summer camp decided not to take us to see Clash of the Titans and instead took us to some stupid movie with a guy wearing a “cowboy hat” called Raiders of The Lost Ark.    Talk about a letdown.  No mechanical owl?  Not interested.

Oh yeah.  The new version.  I think I prefer Claymation medusa to 3-D CGI Medusa.  Because nothing is scarier to me than clay snakes.  And not to sound too crotchety old man-ish but the new version just seems LOUD, doesn’t it?

ALICE IN WONDERLAND 3-D

Grade: D

Some may call this the movie Tim Burton was destined to make.  I call this the movie Tim Burton has already made five or six times already.

KICK-ASS

Grade: B-

An alienated teen and a precocious wise beyond her years little girl?  Well, I guess this is as close as we’ll ever get to that film adaptation of The Catcher in The Rye.  So be it.  I’ll Netflix it.  Salinger would’ve dug the superhero element, right?

IRON MAN 2

Grade: B+

Iron Man was possibly the only superhero movie of the last 20 years that I’ve truly enjoyed. (For those keeping track at home I not interested in movies with superheros, vampires, trolls, werewolves, wizards, dwarfs, orcs, pixies, fairies, nymphs, or Tyler Perry)

This one looks pretty good too.  And I love that creepy inhuman CGI mask they created for Mickey Rourke to w… ohhh, that’s his actual face???  <cringe>  Whoops.  My bad.

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