My 2 1/2 year old son will undoubtedly live in a very different world than the one I grew up in (known to VH1 as the “totally ’80’s). Some things he should expect:
- Due to technology and it’s erotic implications, the “bases” will all change. They will be as follows:
1st base: texting back and forth with winking emoticons
2nd base: “Sexting”
3rd base: Virtual dry humping (not sure what this will be like but I guarantee it’s on the way)
Home Run: Instant Messaging in the same hot tub
- He won’t know what a phone cord is. He won’t know what a rotary phone is. He will watch an old movie where the President picks up the “Red Phone” and wonder where the apps are stored.
- Facebook will become it’s own virtual country — and it will win the World Cup in a close 2-1 match over The United States of Twitter.
- There will be remote controls that only have one function — to find your other remote controls.
- He will either be cyberbullied or (hopefully not) he will be the cyberbully. Either way, it’s pretty much assured a “cyber-wedgie” won’t be as painful as the “analogue” version I grew up with.
- He will have to learn how to kill zombies in order to survive
- Mickey Rourke’s face will look exactly the same. And I don’t mean that in a good way.
- Football players will wear iPads as protective gear and as a way to stream funny You Tube videos in between downs.
- The robot uprising will take care of 90% of the zombie problem.
- He will dig up my old blog posts and dad’s attempts at “comedy” will embarrass him.
- There will only be 3 “official” Indiana Jones movies, and that disappointing 4th one with the aliens will be retitled “Star Wars: Episode 7 — Han Solo forgets to shave”