The Usual Facebook Suspects

I’m sort of over Facebook.   If my relationship with Facebook was translated into marital terms you might say we’re having a “trial separation.”

Why?

I think Facebook oversimplifies who people are and the relationships they have with each other.  Everyone seems to be playing some sort of pseudo-version of themselves.  Here are some of the most popular “characters”:

ANNOYING OPTIMISTS: You know the type.  Never a cynical comment or snarky remark.  Just pure, unadulterated, relentlessly irritating positiveness.

Sample Status Update:  Harry just finished his 30 mile run after a really kick-ass home-cooked meal and some great forward-movement on his novel.    Wow, what a day!


BRAGGERS: much like the optimists, it’s not enough for them to be happy, they have to make sure everyone knows this.

Sample Status Update:  Pete is so swamped with career opportunities.   Where am I going to find time to attend David Geffin’s Labor Day party?


OVERSHARERS: honestly, I skim these…

Sample Status Update:  Glenda has an itchy rectum.  Any home remedy suggestions???


OBTUSERS:  they have nothing interesting to say so they attempt to couch their statuses with an air of mystery…

Sample Status Update:  Fred can’t believe she said that.  Day ruined!


SOCIAL FACEBOOK-TIVISTS: It’s always one obvious cause or another.

Sample Status Update:  Roger is against the spread of AIDS.  If you are too, cut and paste this into your own update!  Let’s use the power of Facebook to stop AIDS!


24 HOUR PARENTERS: They see Facebook as an endless live stream of adorable kiddie information.  And they assume we’re lovin’ it.

Sample Status Update:  Nancy is so proud of her little Colten — three trips to the potty with no poopy pants!


ALL-BUSINESS TYPES: They go months, sometimes years, without updating.  Then pop up only when they need something.  Then, they’re gone again…

Sample Status Update:  James is looking for a new dentist in the mid-town area.  Must be good with tweens.

So… which type are you?  Did I miss any?

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