World Cup Soccer/”Football”

July 5, 2010

Look, don’t talk to me about the art of appreciating boring sports.  I LOVE the granddaddy of boring sports: baseball. Nothing appeals to me more than slow-as-molasses, 5 hour, 17 inning extra inning pitcher’s duel or a 37 pitch at-bat where Johnny Damon fouls off 15 consecutive pitches because… well, I guess he has no where else to go.

But soccer. Read the rest of this entry »


The word “Awesome”

June 15, 2010

I’ve noticed an interesting recent phenomenon —  the use of the word “awesome.”  Awesome used to mean extraordinary.  Mind boggling.  Amazing.  The parting of the Red Sea.  Man landing on the moon.  Man leaving the moon and cleaning up after himself.

Now “awesome” is bandied about  15-20 times a day, per person.

That new episode of Two and a Half Men?  Awesome.  That YouTube video of the monkey sniffing it’s own butt and falling out of a tree?  Awesome.  Coldplay?  Really awesome.    They used to be only slightly awesome but now they work with Brian Eno and they’re totally awesome.

All I can say is (to use another burned out catchphrase) really?

Aren’t compliments supposed to mean something?  Can we all agree to cut back our awesome intake to 5 times a year?  I don’t think anyone will really be offended.  I mean, Coldplay, they have to know they aren’t awesome, right?  And the YouTube monkey.  Well, that was 6 years ago.  For all we know that monkey suffered severe brain damage and that, my friends, is totally not awesome.

Here are some underused words to describe something that one has positive feelings for that I’d like to see work their way back into the mainstream:





On par.


Pretty good.


Above average.

All these words are free and available for use.  Try some of them out occasionally.  They’re really… errr…  awesome?



June 1, 2010


Photoshopping.  Touching up.  I’m not sure what most people call it these days.    I guess it used to be “airbrushing” which gave it sort of an artistic flair .  But let’s say what it really is.  Plastic surgery for the uncommitted.  People mock Heidi Montag (well, most people. I’m still trying to figure out who she is exactly, and then I plan to mock her) for her endless facial and bodily touch-ups, but at least she has the courage of her convictions.
Oh the other hand…

Take a look at some of the posters from Sex And The City 2: Read the rest of this entry »


May 13, 2010


I think it is safe to say that 90% of the human beings roaming the planet these days have no discernible skills whatsoever. They are the unskilled.  And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that.  I’m sure many of them are lovely people — charming, fun to be around, occasionally they even pick up the tab at a sushi restaurant.  But they’re not good at anything. Read the rest of this entry »

Phone customers come first???

March 30, 2010

First, my loyal followers (and I use the plural loosely) — sorry I missed last week’s Thursday post.  It was one of those “It’s Thursday, really?  I thought it was Wednesday all day” sorta days.

Second — I’d like to apologize for today’s post ahead of time — which may seem (even by my standards) tiny and nitpicky but it’s something that’s been on my mind for quite some time.

When did the “flip” happen?

When did people on the phone become our first priority?  You know, as opposed to, say, the PEOPLE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Read the rest of this entry »

Stadium Proposals

March 13, 2010


I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon in American culture — proposing to your loved one in a public setting.  I have a feeling this trend stems from our fascination with reality television.  We watch all those other lucky people, like Ozzy Osbourne, Paris Hilton, the guy from Poison, and Sarah Palin (oh wait, she wasn’t on a reality TV show?  She was running for Vice President?  Don’t you mean it wasn’t she wasn’t on a reality TV show yet?). We see how fun it is to chronicle the key moments of your life in the public eye — weddings, anniversaries, drug overdoses, pet grooming —  and we feel a little left out. Read the rest of this entry »

3-D Movies

February 18, 2010


I have a secret to share with you.  I see everything in 3-D.  That’s right — everything.  I have ever since I was a small boy.  I don’t even have to wear the glasses most of the time.  It’s just there — the world popping out at me.   And I gotta say — it’s pretty darn cool.   If I’m standing in the middle of the freeway it actually looks like the cars are COMING RIGHT AT ME.  How much does this effect cost me?  0 dollars.  That’s right.  I don’t pay a penny for it.

Now apparently the rest of the world isn’t as fortunate.  Because ya’ll seem to go head over heels nutso whenever a new movie comes out in 3-D.  Sometimes you’ll pay up to 30% extra for a movie ticket just so you can see stuff flying straight at you — like Superman or James Cameron’s giant blue Smurfs or Robert DeNiro’s mole.

So why don’t I care for 3-D movies?  Well, it’s simply this.  Any film producer can write a big-assed check and get themselves a big ol’ heaping scoop of 3-D.  Where’s the risk in that? Where’s the mystery of the creative process?

Handing a blank check to Judd Apatow or Quentin Tarentino or Wes Anderson is where filmmaking gets more gutsy and interesting to me.  Sure, you expect those talents to deliver a decent story, well-crafted filmmaking, laughs, tears, seat-of-your pants thrills, but you can’t be certain.  You could end up with Grindhouse.  Or Life Aquatic.  Or two and a half hours of Judd Apatow’s daughter’s ballet recital.

But that’s the true wonder of movies.  The great mystery of motion pictures is why you can assemble a team of artists at the top of their game and yet only some of those movies “work” and others just sooo do not work.

Going to see a 3-D movie, on the other hand, is like paying someone $15 to flick on a light switch.  It’s not wondrous.  It’s not surprising.  And it’s no longer awe-inspiring.

So instead of getting all excited about the next empty 3-D spectacle, let’s root for some gutsy producer to unearth the next Spielberg or Coppola or Scorsese.

3-D is everywhere.  But true movie magic is hard to find.