Guess the Pseudo-Celebrity!

April 18, 2010

One of the true signs of aging (aside from tweaking your back out from looking over your shoulder while parallel parking) occurs when your knowledge of pop culture begins to fade rapidly.

I can’t say this is necessarily a bad thing.  I think the aging brain determines that most information is useless and thus it deliberately chooses to be more selective about what it remembers as its capacity for learning decreases.

Seems like a good plan.

Anyhoo, what was I talking about?  I’ve completely forgotten.

But I have noticed something recently.  I’m out of touch and proud of it.  Apparently there are some really really famous people floating around these days and I have no idea what they’re famous for.  So let me take a guess:

  • Justin Bieber???

Well, from the looks of this photo — backwards baseball hat, hand gestures — I’m guessing he’s famous for being a new type of gang member.  Young and cute and white, but still deadly as f–k.  I’m guessing he’s rubbed out at least 12 dudes just for looking at him the wrong way.  And he has no tolerance for bitches and/or hos. Read the rest of this entry »

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The New J.D. Salinger?

February 3, 2010

When legendary author and recluse J.D. Salinger passed away last week at the age of 91, after nearly 55 years of seclusion, it made quite a splash.  Especially if you consider that he hasn’t published a new work of fiction in 45 years.

The fact that many media outlets made a big deal about his death must have been incredibly frustrating to agents, publicists, reality T.V. stars and other media whores because it flies against the face of everything they believe:  that the only way to be make an impact in life is through TELEVISION FACE-TIME.

But J.D. Salinger proved very much the opposite.  Sure, he wrote a handful of classic books (although the New York Times as recently as 2009 has argued that the impact of Catcher in the Rye is negligible for today’s teen — yet another reason for me to dislike Generation Zzz) but much of what Salinger is famous for is what he refused to embrace — celebrity, fame, media saturation.

It was a brilliant ploy — especially since it wasn’t a ploy at all, just the way he wanted to live his life.  I can think of no other artist who has attempted this disappearing act by his or her own volition and come out looking better for it.  These days, celebs don’t willingly vanish with their dignity intact–  they either cling to scraps and shadows of their previous fame, or occasionally they die young and make a “profound” impression that way.

*Really, the McRib is the only celebrity who’s followed in Salinger’s footsteps, and let’s face it, the McRib is not so much a person as it is a sandwich.

So in the spirit and purity of J.D. Salinger, I propose that some famous writer/actor/actress/celebrity/politician choose J.D.’s path to enlightenment and GO THE F–K AWAY. Here are my top five candidates to Salingerize themselves:

Read the rest of this entry »